New post over at elephant journal. I’ve been trying to write about my dear friend for years. All of a sudden, the words came.
New post over at elephant journal. I’ve been trying to write about my dear friend for years. All of a sudden, the words came.
That was beautiful Lynn. I’ve only lost grandparents, and it was extremely hard with two of them in particular (I wrote and read the eulogies at both of their funerals). But I haven’t experienced the kind of grief you’ve talked about. Not yet. It makes me wonder if it will be like people who don’t have children until they’re much older—they have a harder time adjusting because they’ve lived their life so long without them. I’m not prepared for the kind of grief you talked about, but can you really ever be? Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks, Kelly! Good question. I don’t know. In some ways, I’m grateful that I’m familiar with grief because of just that– it’s familiar. But unfortunately I don’t think it protects or prepares me for the losses down the road. Thanks for your comment. I love that you wrote your grandparents’ eulogies– must’ve been so hard but what a great way to pay tribute.
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So grateful to have found your writing about grief. It is something i have been struggling with for years and years. It has been a lonely frightening place. It wasn’t till last fall i got some help and found someone to talk to about it. they didn’t try and fix everything with cliche’s and pithy anecdotes, (actually that’s a lie; they kind of did) but it was the first time I didn’t automatically block out the message that they were conveying. That message seemed to be that no matter how miserable I made myself feel or how long I held on to the feelings, it wasn’t going to change what happened or bring them back. That, naturally moving on and living a good life would be more in respecting the spirit of those I had lost. Something I remember every day. I also wrote a detailed account of those people in a journal and how they were a part of my life and how I missed them and how I lost them. Also my feelings about each. After I was done writing these things down I re-read them aloud to myself. It wasn’t easy, but it helped me to heal. What you wrote about the math not working and there not being a set time frame really struck a chord with me. Thank you.
JB
J.B.! So good to hear from you. I’m so sorry to hear about your struggle with grief. It’s so hard. I’m really glad you got some help though– for me it was always to hard to go through alone. I agree, that taking care of ourselves and going forward in our lives is the best way to honor the people we lost, even though sometimes it’s hard to remember/believe/embody that.
I love the idea of the journal. That must’ve been hard and healing at the same time. I’m sorry– it sounds like you’ve had a lot of loss, too.
It’s really great to hear from you. I hope we keep in touch.
Take good care,
Lynn
September 28,2009 I lost my son,brother,best friend…..
He was all that in one! Our mom died at 42- he lived with me
I was older so he was like my child. He was my kids uncle
But more like brother. I knew him from the day he was
Born. We were always close! My husband and I was coming
Off airplane and I got a text about Toby saying they
Heard about the accident where he worked-I said he
Didn’t work today then they named the place so I called
And his friend said he’s gone. He fell in a tank at
International paper co. The water was 150 degrees the
Tried to pull him up with a rope but he let go.
I can’t move on! The way he died. He disappeared.
Dear Tammy,
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so hard, especially since you helped raise him. My thoughts are with you. Please take good care of yourself.
Thanks Lynn!
Toby’s middle name was lynn:)
I have went to therapy. I
Didn’t go like I should??
My husband helps but I feel
Like I wear this so I go off
By myself to let it out.
There’s good and bad days.
It’s just weird how you can
Have someone so long and then
Nothing-can’t talk to him.
He would not want me this way
I’ll never get over him but I
Have to move on and remember
The good times instead of dwelling
On how he died. They have trials
That’s been going on since
Toby died-I quit going it was
Like ripping off a bandaid.
I lost Toby no amount of money
Can bring him back. They say
You learn something when things
Like this happen. I have learned
Money isn’t everything that love
Kindness and how you treat people
Is the legacy you leave!